the kludge and the clock
by Ceciliayelrac
Summary: alternate reality- what if they didn't find a way to save Harper. What happened if he was going to die. What would he do and how would he react. slight Harper/Trance romance but mostly harper thoughts and emotions


Disclaimer: I don't own Andromeda and I never will. I am making no money on this and don't intend to. Author's Note: This is an alternate reality. It didn't happen on the show but it could. The story by The Blue Raven, Zelazny and the sequel, inspired me and I will encourage everyone to read her stories. She is very good.  
  
Kludge: 1, computer garbage 2, mismatched parts forming an imperfect whole.  
  
I was scared out of my mind and Trance was even more scared then I was. There was nothing that they could do and yet she still blamed herself for what was happening to me. I wanted her to be happy in the last few days I was around then she could remember me has being happy even when facing death. That was all I wanted. That was all I needed for a little while. That was what would keep me going. I ran to my room not really caring if I was running from my fear or from the sympathetic looks from the rest of the crew, probably the second one. Trance would soon come by trying to talk me out of the inevitable, tell me that everything would be alright and that she would find a cure in 3 days when even the smartest minds in history haven't been able to do that in centuries. Yeah, that was a real possibility. I wanted her to be happy but I didn't want to give her false hope. I had given up on that a long time ago. I knew that I was going to die and I knew that everybody else did to. I am a lowly Kludge. This is what the universe had planned for us anyway. I had only escaped the inevitable for a little while. Even in space, with one of the most powerful ships in the universe, Earth had caught up with me and given me judgement. I was going to face it like everybody else from Earth did, with pride. Yeah, sure, not everyone on Earth was very loyal or trustworthy, but we did have a code and I was still just a Kludge. Even Tyr could understand that about the Kludge, we were strong even has a weak mismatched whole as the dictionary said we were. I did wish that there was more time to do everything that I had dreamed of when I was still on Earth. I had read about so many places in the books we stole from the Uber homes and stores and I had imagined my cousin and I going to those places. We had everything planned out. Know he was either dead or fighting in a battle to liberate Earth that I should be fighting to. That was another one of my dreams. It may sound crazy but I wanted to die on Earth to. I had planned to leave Earth and never come back again when I did. But Earth was my home and my whole family was buried on that slave planet that I still had a very strong bond with it. I wanted to die fighting an Uber for some food to safe one of the shantytowns that the humans there lived in. I wanted to make a difference, even in death. Know I was going to die like so many people did on Earth, but I wasn't afraid. I had been debating for a long time whether I should ask someone on board the Andromeda to kill me before the eggs hatch. But then I think about all the other people on Earth who are going through the same thing I am but don't have the option to die peacefully by their own hand and I realize that I don't want to die peacefully. I want to die like everyone else did on Earth, in pain.  
The clock on my wall always seemed to haunt me before because of how it ticked down the seconds and minutes and hours until I would die. Know it seemed a comfort. I still had almost 3 days before the damage would be irreversible and I would slowly die being eaten from the inside out. Almost 3 more days until the little bastards living in my stomach would die by the gun of the crew I had come to know as my family. Only 3 more days of living with these memories that I would so wish to forget.  
The only bad side to this, other than death, was the fact that the people I loved on the Andromeda would see me die one of the most horrible deaths known to the universe. I would soon be just a memory. I would be remembered through everything onboard the Andromeda involving repairs and soon everybody will find out that Trance is going to have my baby. Yep, I was going to be a father. I would never be able to see my baby but hopefully the baby will never grow up never knowing the memories the rest of the crew has of me. Trance and me had been keeping it secret for almost a month, pretty soon she would start to show. The baby was the product of a moment of great sadness and great happiness mixed in one. That was the best and worst day of my life, it was the day I tried to kill myself. Nobody else except for Trance knows about that and we decided to never talk about it again, even thought it did lead to something so much better. We both knew that Trance would have to tell someone about it eventually but not right know. I did very much want to see my child grow up but I knew that that was not a possibility. Hey, maybe Trance would make her perfect possible future happen and I would be in it to see our baby, but that wasn't this time. I had to give myself something to look forward to. And the rest of the crew would probably except the baby pretty quickly, another little Harper running around would hopefully be just as good has the last. I hear a knock on my door and I start to get up when I see the clock. 2 and a half more days left. Only 2 and a half, better make it last. I continue to walk to the door. About halfway there I trip over a lose piece of machinery on the floor. "Shot." I mutter softly. When I get to the door I see Tyr. I was expecting a little chat with him sooner or later. Know was as good a time as any. "Hello, little man. Did you fall on your face again?" he says with a slight grin. I realize what he is talking about and answer back with an even bigger grin. "The machinery in here is trying to kill me even before the Magog do." This does not get the reaction I was expecting from Tyr. I thought he was going to joke around to but he simply looked even more somber then he normally does. "You know you shouldn't joke about that, boy. You are going to die one of the most painful deaths known to man and everybody else. Even Nietzscheans fear it." Way for a Nietzschean to put it bluntly. "You only fear it if you haven't lived with that fear every day of your life. I have. I know when to fear and when not to. This is not one of those times because it is the inevitable. I can't prevent it and neither can any of you. I don't fear for myself and I don't want any of you to fear for me either." Tyr looks at me with pride. "Spoken like a Nietzschean. That is what I wanted to hear and since I have I will be going. Goodbye little man." He turns around and walks quick strides the opposite direction of my quarters. "Goodbye." I say softly, knowing that even Tyr won't be able to hear that over this distance. I close the door and get lost in my thoughts again.  
  
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The clock now says that I have a day and a half left to be in the waking world. I am determined to make that day and a half be some of the best days of my life so I leave my room to explore the ship and talk to any of the people that I see. I know Beka will probably be in the Maru, Trance will be in Hydroponics, Tyr will be training, Dylan will be on command, and Rommie will be with him. Since Rev Bem had come back by request of Dylan he probably would be in the little sanctuary in the 3rd level of the ship. This was his favorite spot when he was with us and I'm betting it still is. I decide to go talk to Rev Bem. The walk to the sanctuary was not very long since it was near my quarters but it was still an unfamiliar place for me. I had never really gone to the sanctuary because I refused to believe in the Divine. All of the terrible things I had seen on Earth did not make room for religion when I didn't want to believe that if there was a Divine that he had forgotten about us and left us there to die. Rev Bem and Trance were basically the only people here who actually used the sanctuary on a regular basis. As I walked into the room, I could smell a musty scent from the pews, another reminder that this place wasn't used that much. Rev Bem looks up from his kneeling position on the floor. He smiles and continues to pray. He continues for a little while longer until the silence is unbearable. "What are you praying for?" I ask to break the silence. Rev Bem gets up and sits on the pew behind him. He looks up at me with sympathy and simply says "You." I look at him and make my way over to the seat next to him on the pew. "You don't have to. I'm not afraid." "It's not unnatural to fear death, Mr. Harper. You don't have to be brave all the time." "There's a difference between fearing death and being afraid of it." "And what's that? Even I sometimes do not get your logic." He says with a slight smile. "I'm not afraid of dying. I'm afraid of what will happen when I do." "The pain or the sorrow of those you are leaving behind?" "Both," I think for a minute and I decide to tell Rev something, "Will you watch out for Trance for me. She is the one that I am leaving the most behind with. I don't want her to be alone during.stuff." "I thought Trance had a little more glow and life in her than she normally does." Rev says with a smile. "We will all have something to you remember you by." He seems to think about this for a minute before adding on to that comment. "I think the Divine planned this for you and Trance, Mr. Harper. Knowing you has changed us all, but I think that she will be the most effected by you leaving. Know she will have something of you all her own. This is a good thing, Mr. Harper, a very good thing." "I know." I said, barely audible, "but I wish I could be there for her, with her. Know I will never know my baby. But hopefully I won't be forgotten." "You will never be forgotten. You have changed to many people's lives to ever be forgotten and we will make sure that you never do. In the lives you've changed your memory will live on forever." Rev Bem says knowingly. I look at him knowing that his words are very true. "Thanks," I say, close to tears "I should go and let you pray in peace then." I start to get up. "Goodbye, Mr. Harper. You have made my life very enjoyable and I thank you for it." With that Rev Bem turns around and kneels, beginning to pray again. ________________________________________________________________________  
  
I know head towards the Maru. Beka will be there. Has I walk in she quickly runs up and hugs me. "You will never leave, right kid. You'll always be here on the Maru fixing things. That's were you'll be." I look at her at nod. "I'll always be on the Maru, Beka. Why would I ever leave?" I say with a smile.  
  
The clocks on the walls everywhere I go begins to tick so much louder than before. 1 day left and I am going to make it count. I continue walking around the ship. Remembering memories I thought I had long forgotten. I hear another pair of steps coming toward me. They are the heavy sounding boots that Dylan always wears. Time for another 'chat'. The sound gets closer and closer until it is only a few steps to my right. Finally there is the sound of a throat being cleared. "Hello, Mr. Harper." I look over at Dylan and give him a smile. "Hey." There is silence for a little while, a rather uncomfortable silence. Until finally Dylan speaks again. "Is there anything that you want to do today. Anything. that can make this day be a happy day?" He says cautiously. I simply grin. "Not really. I'm just making rounds, saying my.good-byes to people. I guess it's your turn." "I guess." He says quietly. "Well, here I go. Dylan, you have been great. I am very glad that I meet you and could be under your service. I want to thank you for letting me be on this ship in the first place. The Andromeda has made my last few years in life great. Thanks." "Your welcome, Harper. I want to thank you too, for your wonderful engineering abilities and for being a great friend. I hope your last hours are peaceful. Goodbye, Mr. Harper." He said with a weak smile, while placing a hand on my shoulder. "Goodbye" I say and I quickly walk away. The Clock knows says only half a day left. I walk down to command, knowing that I will find Rommie there. Commanding is like Engineering to me, she loves it. I walk in slowly trying to be quiet. "Hello, Harper. I thought you would come and talk to me soon." She looks over and smiles. Of course she would now that I am here. She's the ship's A.I.. "Hi. I came to say-" I was cut off. "Goodbye, I know. And I want to say goodbye to. You are a wonderful engineer and one of my favorite crewmembers. I will make sure that you will never be forgotten. I will promise you that. You will not be forgotten." She said this while turning to look at me. "You to, Rommie. You were wonderful. You were the first and best A.I. that I have ever made and you are a great friend. Goodbye." I say will giving her a quick hug. She returns it and hugs me harder. "Goodbye, my little engineer." ________________________________________________________________________  
  
I was outside Hydroponics looking at the doors. I knew that this would be were Trance was. She was hiding in here. She still blamed herself and I had to make sure that she didn't spend the rest of her days doing just that. I slowly raise my hand to the button to open the door. I quickly push it in and walk through the door. I look around and see Trance near the back of the room. She was looking at one of her favorite plants. Her name was Sarah. I slowly walk toward Trance. "Hi, Trance." She jumps slightly and turns around. "Hey." She says sadly. I can't stand it. "Don't be sad, Trance. Please. You did everything you could. Know it's time to say goodbye." I say as I hug her tightly. She starts to cry on my shoulder. "I don't want you to go, Harper. You are my best friend. I .I don't want to be alone." "But you won't be. Remember. You'll have the baby. You will always have a part of me with you. You will never be alone." "Oh, Harper. I'm so sorry." "Don't be. You tried everything you could. It's not your fault at all." "But. Oh, Harper I don't want you to go." "Shhhh.." I say has she continues to cry on my shoulder. "I'll always be here, okay. I will never leave you." ________________________________________________________________________  
  
The clock know said that I will soon die. As I lie here in Med. Bay, I hear the people around me talking to me, telling me not to be afraid. And I'm not. Has the spreading pain in my gut starts to get worse the people around me start to get fainter, I think, I'm supposed to die like this, I'm a Kludge. And then it all starts to fade.  
  
The End. 


End file.
